Monsters & Hearts
by HiragoSeika
Summary: Erwin is well aware of Levi's shaken heart and confronts the Corporal in a most forward way, forcing the latter to face himself and his troubles. As they do so, a question rises; "Can one be both in the Survey Corps and have a heart at the same time?" - Comes with a nice little twist at the end in light of Chapter 49.


''Say, Erwin,'' Levi monotonously uttered, his mind in overdrive to pick out the right words for him to speak, ''what was your reason for recruiting me into the Survey Corps again?''

His dull expression failed to connect with the Commander's, the latter who seemed to return no compassion either, merely staring the moon down through the glass that separated them and the crisp, evening air.

''You subconsciously are aware of what my answer would be, aren't you?'' Erwin answered stoically, his body stiff with the tension that was radiating from Levi's body with the intensity of the Colossal Titan's steam expulsion.

''I am…'' Levi paused.

''Yes, you are a monster,'' Erwin finished.

Levi's facials became plastered with shock; he wasn't prepared to face the semantics of his Commander's words.

''That's right,'' Erwin elaborated, ''you are a monster capable of outdoing the Titans. My plan for you was to become a weapon, nothing more, nothing less. However, it appears there was one contingency I had not incorporated in my calculations.''

''You… Bastard,'' Levi stuttered; only the 13th Commander of the Survey Corps was capable of making him lose his footing like this.

''It seems you have caught on. Yes, the monster I tried to raise for humanity's sake, had a heart.''

''I have no heart,'' Levi spoke in an attempt to regain his composure, ''it was left on the battlefield.''

Erwin turned around, backed by the moon's objective rays of nocturnal iridescence. Levi met with his azure orbs of stern scolding.

''The man before me is shaking in his chair, suffering intensely as if being eaten by Titans themselves, am I right? Auruo Bossard, Gunter Schultz, Erd Gin were their names, yes?''

''Erwin, stop it.'' Levi curtly responded.

''Not to mention the blonde girl,'' Erwin continued coldly.

''I told you to drop it!'' Levi grunted, his left hand pressed against the rigid, oaken table he was seated at, prepared to rise up.

''… Petra Rall was her name, am I right?''

''…''

''Look at you,'' the Commander berated, ''no, look at the heart beating in your chest, palpitating out of control.''

Levi got up with eyes closed, conspicuously displaying the black bags that had formed over night. A single long stride led him to Erwin, pain shooting up his left leg like bolts of thunder crashing towards the earth. With a single lunge of his hand, he had his superior by the throat.

''I dare you to speak any further words over their corpses,'' Levi commanded sharply.

Erwin did not speak, instead clenching his right hand around his Lance Corporal's arm, gently forcing it to release its grip on his neck; red streaks of disturbed skin being left in its wake.

''You loved them, didn't you?'' He inquired, his demeanor remaining unchanged.

The anger in Levi began to sink to the bottom of a sea of despair. The sensation of needles erupting from every pore of his body took over as he allowed himself to fall back onto a stool behind him, looking up at the tall, blonde man. In this trial to prove his lack of heart, he had suffered a major loss to the Commander.

''And yet…''

''They're dead,'' Levi finished with a surprisingly soft and fragile voice.

''Let it out,'' Erwin ordered while Levi stared blankly past him, images of his beloved squad swimming like fish in a pool of acid.

Erd's bisected body, a thousand-yard stare gazing up at him. Auruo's broken facials, the evidence of post-mortem despair. Gunter's incomprehension still glazed over his face, his throat cut before he could ever vocalize it.

Most prominently appeared the image of Petra, the strawberry-blonde he was so fond of, the girl he wished to… ''Heichou, after this expedition is over, we should…'' No.

He tried to shake her out of his head; he didn't want to have that image on his retinas again… Her broken body against a tree, bathing in blood. Her eyes telling a tale of regret, piercing his sanity. Memories so fresh… As if he was experiencing it all over again. Barely seconds later the tears cascaded to the floor, creating solemn stains of darkness on the floorboards. No sound accompanied them. Erwin quietly stood with arms crossed, observing the crack that prominently ran through his otherwise so composed Lance Corporal.

''It hurts, doesn't it?''

''…''

''You haven't made the wrong choice,'' Erwin noted in an attempt to pry into Levi's grave state of mind, ''however, love should not exist in the person you've become, only respect and admiration. Be it for the way they fought, or the way they died. Those two qualities are the greatest tribute to the dead.''

A hint of light refracted in the short man's dull, grey eyes, prompting him to finally face his superior with the resolution Erwin held him in high regard for.

''I have learned one thing,'' Levi admitted, ''a heart is truly a horrible thing to have if one is to serve under the Survey Corps.''

''It seems like you've caught on; I expected no less from you. Perhaps now you understand why I order new recruits to offer up their hearts,'' the Commander clarified in a perfectly calm fashion, to which Levi's expression leaked a hint of surprise before averting his face from Erwin's, allowing an intermittent period of silence to manifest itself.

As much as he admired Erwin, Levi could never help but being wary of him, knowing that the man would be willing to even use or sacrifice him if he deemed it to be the appropriate course of action. And yet, he felt the sincere interest Erwin had in his wellbeing. He wore the true marks of a monster; a voice capable of ensnaring his men in the strings of the skilled puppeteer that was his command, eyes that could stare one down into submission and above all, a stature that never faltered, no matter how many men lost their lives in front of him. His dignity was of no importance. Yes, he was a monster in every sense of the word, and that was how he could best the Titans. The only way…

''Erwin,'' Levi addressed, cutting through the silence that hung around the HQ's room, the very HQ where Levi and his squad had dined countless times.

Erwin nodded as he anticipated his colleague's inquiry.

''Why did you never ask me to offer up my heart?'' Were the words that escaped Levi's lips, a question that struck the Commander right in the chest, where his organic heart was still beating in the line of duty, but no more.

''If I were to provide you with a reasonable explanation,'' he responded, a rare hint of hesitation now shifting the nature of their conversation, ''it would be that you are different from the ordinary soldiers.''

''Because I never attended the Trainee Camp?'' Levi uttered, raising a single eyebrow.

''Not precisely. Your heart beats with the magnitude of an earthquake, reverberating through the beings of those who come to serve under you. You weren't a gang leader for nothing. However, you are a monster. You can kill and are difficult to establish an emotional bond with; a quality most sought after in a top-class soldier. Yet I felt that perhaps you would like to take part in an experiment,'' Erwin elaborated, leaning against the wall behind him before continuing his explanation, Levi's attention now wrapped around the commander's words, ''I wanted to figure out whether your heart's intense longing for the survival of your comrades would bring about success in the wake of humanity's struggle or if that core would erode over the course of various expeditions, leaving a beast just like me.''

Levi, suddenly overcome by the urge to get up and leave through the Commander's near-psychological way of training him through words alone, went swiftly for Erwin's metaphorical throat in an attempt to silence him; ''you really have no honor, do you?'' he snapped at his superior with little consideration, ''I'll be taking my leave now, the top brass wants you within the walls of Sina before tomorrow. My heart has been buried, there is nothing left for me to discuss with the likes of you.''

Before he could reach the door, Erwin spoke up once more; ''There is no need for you to bury your heart. See, the intense pain you feel now will make you stronger and sharpen the edges that went dull through the turmoil we went through in this last expedition. If you really wish to honor your fallen squad; offer up your heart for them and them alone, overcome this pain and become stronger, colder and a better soldier than you've ever been,'' Erwin stated resolutely, ''that's an order.''

His face froze over for a moment and in his mind, his squad stood before him, smiling. Auruo was tending to his wounded tongue in the background while Petra stood closer to Levi than the others, her amber eyes relaying the message that had made his heart tick throughout many evenings he had spent with her alone, in his room at the HQ…

''You really are a rude man, Heichou!'' She berated him playfully, ''but you are the man I will gladly serve until my story comes to a close!''

Her image faded alongside that of the other men as her words on that fateful evening resounded serenely; ''Heichou, after this expedition is over, we should…''

''Petra, stop being so buddy-buddy with the Corporal, sheesh,'' Auruo complained in the background.

''Captain Levi, you are a man of class, don't ever desert the power that kept you going these past 5 years,'' Erd motivated him, his voice barely audible in Levi's mind.

''If ever one or more of us are no longer around to support each other, we'll become each other's wings, right?'' Gunter inquired in the background that faded immediately after his question.

In front of him was the door, behind him stood Erwin, the latter noticing that Levi had been standing there with his hand clenched around the doorknob for several minutes, trembling slightly.

''Go forward, Levi,'' Erwin commanded.

Letting out a small sigh, Levi responded curtly; ''Yes, Commander Erwin.''

''I'll offer up my heart to all of you, thank you,'' he spoke to the sky as he exited the building, wondering whether the souls of his squad members were up there, dancing among the stars.

''I am a monster,'' Erwin stated to himself, ''that is why I must not falter, must not waver. The true battle has only just begun and I,'' he closed his eyes for a second, ''must desert all that makes me human if we are to best the Titans. There simply isn't any time to be human; that can wait until we are no longer reliant on these walls for our freedom.''

''Yes, I will abandon everything for the sake of humanity and if it comes that far, even my life will be a sufficient payment,'' were his thoughts as he noticed his figure rising up in the air, his horse whining upon feeling Erwin's weight lifted from the saddle.

His right arm stuck in the Titan's mouth, he saw the armored Titan in the distance. There was Eren, and that young man was worth any sacrifice.

''GO FORWARD!'' He yelled at the top of his lungs, noticing Armin's momentary pause accompanied by horrified expressions shared among the soldiers present, ''EREN'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF US. FORWARD!''

He smirked slightly as the soldiers followed his orders, and while the distance between them and him grew larger, he realized that despite his reputation as a heartless monster, it was still beating, faster than ever.


End file.
